memories

Memories of the Forestials

English

In the silence of the night,

Our tired eyes burn bright,

How hard it is for you and me

To make the world what it used to be.

 

Ringing rivers by the woods,

Sighing forests by the lakes,

Humans haven’t understood,

Burning life in their mistakes.

 

Native caves are cooling down,

Losing order, comfort, charm,

And new minds in crowded towns

Forge their chains, to our alarm.

 

No more wild and fearsome packs,

All nocturnal shrines are gone,

Alien deathland giving cracks,

Lifeless strongholds save no one.

 

But in darkness of my heart,

Burning fire is still alive.

My night is mixing up with light,

My day with starry blackness rife.

 

While I’m staying here with you,

Shimmering of stars will reach,

And between times, old and new,

I will build a sturdy bridge.

 

Decorate this world I will

With a pinch of years gone by,

So that friends remember still

What they’ve promised me and why.

 

I will mark the path of truth,

And I’ll spread my leather wings,

We can’t bring back our world,

So the new one’s to begin.

Russian

Вспоминания Лесных

Горят в тиши ночной

Усталые глаза.

Как трудно нам с тобой

Вернуть наш мир назад…

 

Теперь звенящих рек

И леса у озёр

Не любит человек,

Бросая жизнь в костёр.

 

Остыл родных пещер

Порядок и уют,

А новые умы

Оковы нам куют.

 

Нет больше диких стай,

И нет ночных святынь.

Чужим стал этот край

Безжизненных твердынь.

 

Но в сердце у меня

Ещё горит огонь –

Смешенье ночи дня

И светлости ночной.

 

И вот пока я здесь –

Не стихнет трепет звёзд,

А между всех времён

Сооружу я мост.

 

Украшу этот мир

Щепоткой прошлых лет,

Чтоб добрые друзья

Хранили свой обет.

 

Намечу верный Путь,

И крылья распахну –

Тот мир нам не вернуть,

Сначала я начну.

How to Accept Yourself in Your Current Life

Accepting Your Current Self -- Illustration

English

When we realize that we were once an intelligent being different from humans, we tend to drift away to those distant times when things were simpler and much different. This happens for two reasons: the previous body had a number of advantages over humans, and we simply already know how to live in that other body. Even in the same lifetime, we may have a more localized situation where, in the face of difficulties, we do all kinds of things to escape back to a carefree childhood. So the fierce rejection of the current body is the same thing, but on a slightly different level. Yes, we were once animals and other humanoids and maybe even nature spirits, but that doesn’t devalue the life we have now – it enriches it.

Think about it, you’re not just a human, you’re a human who grew up based on a beast/fairy/elf/dragon/whatever. That is, not just a human, but a human with an interesting foundation, which already makes you quite unique. Other people have grown up based on something else. Some are still quite young spiritually, and up until recently were something like an animal. Today they may be a petty thief on the streets, but they’re doing something very important: gaining experience. What they decide to do with that experience is their own personal choice. What you do with your life’s experience is much more important, because you are the one writing your own story.

But I am not going to wiggle around and say that everything always depends on us, that the future is not determined… There is such a thing as destiny, but you will only encounter this phenomenon if you live long enough in this incarnation. What does it have to do with? Your own choices. Whether what your subconscious is striving for is beautiful and ethical is a secondary question, but if it is a sincere desire to have a certain experience, you will never get away from it. It’s just that you can get from point A to point B faster or slower, by a crooked path or a smooth one, beautifully or not so much…

Nevertheless, there is often a desire to express one’s point of view on the general idea of the dragons, for example. All of us have incarnated somewhere, had some unique experiences that we can’t wait to tell others about. The best way to do this is to express ourselves through creativity. This will help developing a range of skills and maybe even getting a good job. With a lot of experience under our belt, we have the power to create something outstanding based on it, which will only bring us joy. No matter how you spin it, creativity is a kind of love, a song of the soul, singing about the beautiful world around us and what it could potentially become. It is better to create and love with all your heart than to sit quietly in a corner and hate everyone because “things are not the way they used to be…”.

Accepting yourself as you are now will give you all the strength you need to move on, to learn and to evolve. Whether you are a man or a woman, whether you are light or dark skinned – it’s not important. What is important is to remember that whatever image you wear now is the choice of your soul. Of course, it may seem to you now that you did not choose it at all, and that it is too difficult to live this way, and in general, “I was born in the wrong place”. But it doesn’t work that way. As your real past life memories come back to you, you will see that you are logically continuing the same journey from lifetime to lifetime. Your current incarnation is a logical continuation of the previous one.

When you look back, remember that your past is only a beautiful spring that propels you forward. No one and nothing forbids you to be yourself today and do what you personally find interesting and enjoyable. The body is a tool for interacting with the world. There is nothing beyond the boundaries of embodiment. It is empty there. There is absolutely nothing there except an invisible, intangible memory. In order to read that memory and add to it, you need a living body. It may be a physical body or a less tangible body, but it will be some living form of being none the less.

Those we call Gods today are beings spiritually much older than you and me. Their experience is so rich and their understanding so deep that entire worlds fit within them. Nature can be thought of as the physical body of the Gods, with smaller and simpler beings living inside of it. Think about it, one day you are going to be that big too! Isn’t that a wonderful future – to become a whole world? In principle, if you start putting effort into creativity right now, you can begin building your own world already and make it as beautiful as you are!

Russian

Как принять себя таким, какой вы есть сейчас

Когда нас настигает понимание, что когда-то мы были разумным существом, отличным от человека, то стремимся умчаться в те далёкие времена, когда всё было проще и по-другому. Это происходит по двум причинам: другое тело имело ряд преимуществ в сравнении с человеком и мы просто-напросто уже знаем, как жить в том другом теле. Даже в одной и той же жизни у нас может возникнуть более локальная ситуация, когда мы, столкнувшись с трудностями, всеми правдами и неправдами пытаемся сбежать обратно в беззаботное детство. Так вот, яростное отторжение текущего тела – это то же самое, но в несколько других масштабах. Да, когда-то мы были животными, и другими гуманоидами, а может и вовсе природными духами, но это не обесценивает ту жизнь, которая у нас есть сейчас, это делает её богаче.

Вдумайтесь, вы – не просто человек, а человек, который вырос на основе зверя/феи/эльфа/дракона/ещё кого-нибудь. То есть, не просто человек, а человек с интересной основой, что уже делает вас весьма индивидуальным. Другие люди тоже выросли на основе чего-то. Кто-то ещё совсем молод душой, и лишь недавно был чем-то вроде животного. Сегодня он мелкий ворижка на улицах, но он занимается очень важным делом: получает опыт. Что он решит с этим опытом делать дальше – это уже его личный выбор. Что со своим многожизненным опытом будете делать вы – это уже поважнее, потому что свою историю вы пишете сами.

Не буду, однако, сейчас кривить душой и говорить, что всё всегда зависит от нас, что будущее не определено… Что-то вроде судьбы всё-таки есть, но столкнётесь вы с этим явлением только когда поживёте подольше в этом воплощении. С чем это связано? С вашим собственным выбором. Красиво и этично ли то, к чему стремится всё ваше подсознание – вопрос второй, но если это – искреннее желание получить определённый опыт, то вы вряд ли от этого куда-либо денетесь. Просто из точки А в точку Б можно прийти быстрее или медленнее, криво или ровно, красиво и не очень…

Тем не менее, нередко возникает желание выразить свою точку зрения относительно общего представления о тех же драконах. Все мы где-то воплощались, получали какой-то уникальный опыт, о котором нам теперь не терпится рассказать другим. Самый лучший способ делать это – выражать себя через творчество. Это и поможет развить ряд навыков, а может даже и получить хорошую работу. Имея за плечами огромный опыт, мы в силах создать на его основе нечто грандиозное, что будет нам только в радость. Всё же, творчество – это тип любви, песнь души, воспевание прекрасного мира вокруг нас, как и того, чем он мог бы стать. Лучше творить и любить всем сердцем, чем тихо сидеть в углу и всех ненавидеть, потому что теперь “всё не как тогда”…

Принятие себя таким, какой вы есть сейчас, даст вам все необходимые силы идти дальше, познавать и развиваться. Мужчина вы или женщина, белый или темнокожий человек – это не важно. Важно помнить, что в какой бы образ вы ни были облачены сейчас – это выбор вашей души. Конечно же, может быть теперь вам кажется, что вы этого вообще не выбирали, и что так жить слишком сложно, и вообще “я не там родился”. Но так не бывает. Когда ваши настоящие воспоминания начнут возвращаться к вам, вы увидите, что из жизни в жизнь логически продолжаете одно и то же путешествие. Ваше текущее воплощение является логическим продолжением предыдущего.

Оглядываясь назад, помните, что это лишь прекрасная пружина которая толкает вас вперёд. Никто и ничто не запрещает вам сегодня быть самими собой и делать то, что вам лично интересно и нравится. Тело – это инструмент взаимодействия с миром. За гранями воплощения нет ничего. Там пусто. Там совершенно ничего нет, кроме незримой, неосязаемой памяти. Чтобы читать эту память и дополнять её вам нужно живое воплощение. Это может быть физическое тело, или тело менее осязаемое, но в любом случае это будет какая-то живая форма бытия.

Те, кого мы сегодня называем Богами – это существа духовно намного более старшие, чем мы с вами. Их опыт настолько богат а понимание настолько глубоко, что внутри них помещаются целые миры. Природу можно считать физическим телом Богов, внутри которого живут существа поменьше и попроще. Подумайте, ведь когда-нибудь вы тоже будете такими же большими! Разве это не прекрасное будущее – стать целым миром? В принципе, вплотную занявшись творчеством, вы можете начать строить свой мир уже сейчас, и пусть он будет таким же прекрасным, как и вы сами!

Past Lives and Current Brain

Past and Present Brains -- Illustration

English

It is possible that we may sometimes be able to remember past lives as they were, but it would be foolish to argue with the fact that remembering is done through the brain that we have now. This brain has been developing its own associative map since childhood, and, in most cases, this very map will be used to decode the memories of past lives. From my own lengthy experience, I can summarize that the most reliable memories come in dreams. There, you can see images about which the current brain knows nothing, and then find these items in the Wikipedia and marvel at the fact that such things actually existed. If the objects you are looking for do not appear in the World Encyclopedia, the only thing left to do is to draw them… And it is possible that there is a huge benefit to doing so. After drawing some objects from dreams about past incarnations, one can compare them with the data received in dreams by other otherkin of the same type. Sometimes, a memory is triggered by something you have seen, heard, or read. But there’s a good chance that such memories are running through our current associative map. When I practiced conscious dreaming some time ago, I discovered that the associative map is very important because disembodied objects often don’t have images of their own, and the brain picks the most appropriate one to understand what it is dealing with.

The difference in associative maps in otherkin, even of the same type, can lead to different descriptions of the same phenomena or past events. Information in the spiritual world is stored in a certain universal format that can be decoded by different types of brains, but each brain will do it in its own way, so this should be taken into account when discussing past incarnations. Observing myself, I can also say that the longer one lives and the more one remembers, the less there is that sense of wonder and unexploredness that we often experience in childhood. The brain fills up with data and – maybe – it even runs out of space?.. This is not for sure, as I am still observing myself and cannot say this with 100% certainty. After all, the brain is capable of forgetting things that have not been used for a long period of time and are of little importance. This means that even if the space in the brain is finite, we can expect that, as we get older, only the most important information, relevant to this incarnation, will remain there. What happens when the brain is 100% full, I don’t know, but memory loss may begin, as it does with old people. Perhaps, our natural limit of staying in one incarnation is determined by our brain capacity (think of elongated human skulls found by archaeologists. Maybe, the owners of these skulls lived longer than normal humans?). In any case, all that remains is to observe ourselves and others and draw the appropriate conclusions.

Common Associations and the Shared Mental Space

It is also worth noting that the perception of some ideas and concepts changes over time. Connecting to certain areas of the shared mental space can produce completely different results in the current incarnation compared to the previous one. For instance, the perception of fairies was one thing and the word ‘fairy’ referred to a particular phenomena before the Celts were Christianized, but then things turned around and the word ‘fairy’ now means something completely different. The same can be said about almost all mythical creatures, the common understanding of which used to mean something that then changed a lot. When we say “I am a fairy”, we unconsciously put ourselves in the same basket with everything that is considered a fairy today, and it begins to affect us, so it is important to clearly separate the images that come to us from the shared mental space and the images that are directly connected with our own past, otherwise we can confuse ourselves, and for a long time. The best way to avoid such a mix up of information in your head is to try to remember the self-name of the peoples you used to live with, and even if they consist of completely inhuman sounds, try to find the nearest human analog. That was the only way I could get my own brain in order.

If we observe ourselves, our dreams, we will probably find that what we once were is hard to attribute directly to the legendary beings we know today. It is likely to be something similar to the myths, but just as far removed from them. A fairy, but not quite. An elf, but definitely not like the one in Tolkien’s Legendarium. Maybe there’s even a bit of a dragon there, but a different kind of dragon than commonly imagined. The world is diverse and multi-layered, and we should not forget that in addition to incarnations, there are psychotypes associated with who we are as a whole. When we incarnate many times, we become more than just one being. We become a small Universe within a larger Universe, and this Universe has its own character, which is – likely – visible on the level of communication between Universes. On top of that, we have our peculiarities of brain, upbringing and the very same associative map, and that’s why it takes so much time to sort oneself out.

Harms of Hypnosis

Something you should absolutely not do to yourself is hypnosis and self-hypnosis. Putting any program directly into the brain, past the critical evaluation of your self, leads to very bad consequences and can ruin your entire lifetime. Also, no hypnosis session has ever given me worthwhile results. But you can accidentally become a loudspeaker for disembodied spirits, which is unpleasant, to say the least. Souls that have lost their own brains sometimes accidentally fall into someone else’s subconscious, especially if it is spacious. Therefore, you should not talk to voices in your head. Especially if they are trying to scare you or get you to do bad things. Bad actors are always ready to continue the series of their foul deeds even after death, but it will be very difficult for them if there is no willing “assistant”. Your own internal dialogues are never felt as something alien, no matter what dark thoughts you might be having, but external influence is always felt as such.

The best way in this kind of situations is to ignore all such voices, to strengthen logic and common sense. If you’re going to subject yourself to regressive hypnosis in such a state, instead of your own incarnations, the attached spirit risks to push through, and then it’s all over… because he doesn’t care about your goals. You should never hurry to remember, and all too often a detailed recollection doesn’t really change your life. When you remember past lives, you begin to realize that you would have made all the same choices in this one anyway, so why a rush? The most important things from the past copy into the current brain regardless, and you continue to have the experiences you are interested in.

Russian

Прошлые жизни и текущий разум

Не исключено, что иногда нам удаётся вспомнить о прошлых жизнях всё, как оно было, но было бы глупо спорить с фактом, что вспоминание происходит через тот мозг, который у нас есть сейчас. У этого мозга с детства развивается собственная ассоциативная карта, которая, в большинстве случаев, и будет использоваться для расшифровки прошложизненных воспоминаний. Исходя из собственного многолетнего опыта могу резюмировать, что самые достоверные воспоминания приходят во снах. Там можно увидеть образы, о которых ничего не известно текущему разуму, а после найти эти предметы в той же википедии и изумиться тому, что такие вещи на самом деле были. Если же искомых предметов не оказалось во всемирной энциклопедии, их остаётся только рисовать… Но возможно, что в этом есть огромная польза. Зарисовав какие-то предметы из снов о прошлых воплощениях, можно сравнить их с данными, полученными другими азеркинами того же типа во снах. Иногда воспоминания накатывают после того, как мы увидели, услышали или прочли что-то, что разбудило эту память. Но есть все шансы, что такие воспоминания будут проходить через нашу текущую ассоциативную карту. Практикуя осознанные сны некоторое время назад, я обнаружила, что ассоциативная карта имеет огромное значение, поскольку у невоплощённых объектов зачастую не существует каких-либо собственных образов, и мозг подбирает наиболее подходящий, для того, чтобы понять, с чем он имеет дело в данный момент.

Разность ассоциативных карт у азеркинов даже одно и того же типа может приводить к разнящимся описаниям одних и тех же явлений или прошлых событий. Это стоит учитывать в обсуждениях прошлых жизней, поскольку информация в духовном мире хранится в неком универсальном формате, который способны расшифровать самые разные типы мозгов, но делать это каждый мозг будет по-своему. Наблюдая за собой также могу сказать, что чем дольше живёшь и чем больше вспоминаешь, тем меньше то чувство чудесности и неизведанности, которое мы часто испытываем в детстве. Мозг заполняется данными и, возможно, в нём даже заканчивается место?.. Это не точно, поскольку я всё ещё за собой наблюдаю, и не могу заявлять подобное со 100% уверенностью. В конце концов, мозг способен забывать данные, которые не используются длительное время и имеют низкую значимость. То есть, даже если место в мозгу конечно, мы, при должном подходе к делу, можем рассчитывать на то, что с возрастом там будет оставаться только самая важная информация, релевантная для данного воплощения. Что делать, когда мозг заполнится на 100% я не знаю, но может начаться потеря памяти, как это происходит со стариками. Возможно, что наш естественный лимит пребывания в одном воплощении ограничен именно нашим мозгом (приходят на ум удлинённые человеческие черепа, найденные археологами. Возможно, обладатели этих черепов жили дольше, чем обычные люди?). В любом случае, остаётся только наблюдать за собой, за другими, и делать соответствующие выводы.

Ассоциации общественности и общее ментальное поле

Также стоит отметить, что восприятие некоторых идей и концепций изменяется со временем. Наша связь с некоторыми областями в общем ментальном поле может давать совершенно другие результаты в текущем воплощении по сравнению с предыдущим. К примеру, восприятие фей до христианизации кельтов было одним, и словом “фея” называли одно, но потом всё сильно изменилось, и теперь слово “фея” означает что-то совершенно другое. То же самое можно сказать практически о всех мифических существах, общее понимание о которых раньше было одним, но потом сильно изменилось. Когда мы говорим “я – фея”, мы подсознательно ложим себя в одну корзинку со всем, что считается феями сегодня, и это начинает на нас влиять, потому стоит чётко отделять образы, которые приходят к нам из общего ментального поля, от образов, которые связаны непосредственно с нашим собственным прошлым, иначе можно здорово себя запутать, и надолго. Наилучший способ избежать подобного смешения информации у себя в голове – попробовать вспомнить самоназвание народа, в котором жили раньше, и даже если оно состоит из совершенно нечеловеческих звуков, можно попробовать подобрать ближайший человекопонятный аналог. Только за счёт этого мне в своё время удалось навести порядок у себя в голове.

Наблюдая непосредственно за собой, за своими снами, мы скорее всего обнаружим, что то, чем мы когда-то были, трудно напрямую отнести к известным ныне легендарным существам. Скорее всего, это будет что-то похожее на мифы, но и настолько же отдалённое от них. Фея, но не совсем. Эльф, но точно не такой, как в легендариуме Толкиена. А может там даже есть кусочек дракона, но какого-то другого, чем принято воображать. Мир разнообразен и многослоен, и не стоит забывать, что кроме воплощений ещё есть и психотипы, которые связаны с тем, что мы из себя представляем в целом. Воплощаясь множество раз, мы формируемся в нечто большее, чем одно существо. Мы становимся маленькой Вселенной внутри большой Вселенной, и у этой вселенной есть какой свой характер, который виден, очевидно, на уровне общения Вселенных. А ещё сверху добавляются наши особенности мозга, воспитания, и всё та же ассоциативная карта, потому раскладывание личной информации по полочкам занимает не малое время.

Вред гипноза

Что-то, что совершенно не стоит с собой делать – это гипноз и самогипноз. Ввод какой-либо программы непосредственно в мозг, мимо критической оценки личностью, ведёт к очень плохим последствиям и это способно сломать человеку всю его жизнь. К тому же, ещё ни один сеанс гипноза не приносил мне стоящих результатов. Зато можно случайно стать громкоговорителем для развоплощённых душ, что весьма малоприятно. Некоторые недавно умершие цепляются за своих родственников, друзей и знакомых. Потерявшие собственный мозг души иногда нечаянно падают в чужое подсознание, особенно если оно вместительное. Именно поэтому не стоит говорить ни с какими голосами в голове. Особенно если они пытаются вас напугать или подбить на гадости. Не чистые на руку личности готовы продолжать серию своих мерзких поступков и после смерти, но сделать это им будет очень трудно, если не найдётся готовый к действию “ассистент”. Собственные же внутренние диалоги никогда не ощущаются как нечто чужеродное, какие бы тёмные мысли вас не посещали, но внешнее влияние всегда ощущается как таковое.

Лучший способ в таких ситуациях – игнорировать всякие такие голоса, укреплять логику и здравый смысл. Если в таком состоянии полезть в тему регрессивного гипноза, вместо собственных воплощений рискует вылезти подселенец, и тогда пиши пропало… ведь ему абсолютно всё равно до ваших целей. С вспоминанием никогда не нужно торопиться, да и, зачастую, подробное вспоминание особо вашей жизни не меняет. Вспомнив прошлые воплощения, начинаешь понимать, что всё равно сделал бы все те же самые выборы в жизни, так зачем куда-то торопиться? Самое важное из прошлого в любом случае попадает в текущий мозг и вы продолжаете получать тот опыт, который вам интересен.

Mother Dragon?

So my latest “vision”. I saw a huge sea-blue scaled dragon upon some sort of ledge, just like me she had white hair but hers ran down her spine and tail, she looked at me, smiling. She them seemed to talk to me but I couldnt hear her. She let out a short burst of flame and the vision faded to black. It all repeated once more before toing for good. I seem to recal and feel a sence of her being my mother

Wow …

So i just experienced something amazing, ill explain what i saw. A turquoise body that smoothly transitions to a pearl blue with spine feathers that match. A white moheaken like hair, a long snout and from the side a narrow yet long face. Large wings but i couldnt get the details of his wings or tail

He was flying at spead through a deep blue sky, just above cloud level. Iv drempt this countless times in first person view but iv never seen him/me before. Im new to most of this and was wondering if you had thoughts/advice

Cryptoamnesia and Past Life Memories

[note: This article is in no way meant to debunk past life memories, so much as it is meant to address a potential problem with remembering and offer a sane and rational way of approaching and accepting the real stuff.]

Past life material is tricky stuff to deal with. First and foremost, there is always the question: is this memory something real, or is it the product of my imagination? This question is difficult enough to deal with, but there is a psychological phenomenon known as cryptoamnesia which can make nearly all past life memories suspect.

In cryptoamnesia, an individual is exposed to certain information, forgets that this was learned information, and it reappears sometime later as a constructed memory. With memories created through cryptoamnesia, the individual will have no idea that the memory is a fabrication of their own mind and that they never actually experienced the content of the memory.

How does this work exactly? Say, for example, as a child, you saw a special on ancient Ireland on the Discovery Channel. Your little mind soaked up all of that information, even if you didn’t understand it all at the time, and stored it away in the back of your brain. Years later, you have forgotten ever watching that particular show, but the information you learned from it is still hanging around in your unconscious mind. When you start thinking back to who you may have been in a past life, your mind finds the images from the Discovery Channel special and starts feeding them back to you. However, you’ve forgotten that you saw all these on a television show. And so, as you remember details of what life was like in ancient Ireland and you see images of the land, perhaps some standing stones, or some artifacts, you assume that these memories are coming to you from the long distant past.

It is nearly impossible to differentiate memories created through cryptoamnesia from real memories. In the case of created memories just from this lifetime, such as created memories of ritual abuse or childhood molestation, the psychological repercussions can be just as severe as if the individual had actually gone through the imagined trauma. This is one reason why many psychologists are largely skeptical of “repressed” memories recalled under hypnosis. It is a generally held belief that most memories dredged up in this manner are actually imaginative content fabricated by the unconscious from learned information inspired by unintentional cues from the hypnotherapist.

Where does this leave us for legitimate past life memories? On very shaky ground, I’m afraid. From my observations and personal experiences, one is often drawn to read about a particular time period or a particular country when one has a strong past life connection to it. However, the very act of reading up on these strangely fascinating times makes the legitimacy of any past life content very suspect. There is no way to prove or to guarantee that you did not digest the information from a book or a show, imaginatively fill in a few gaps, and re-present it to yourself as a past life memory. And since very few past lifetimes are such that you can actually look up people you knew or go visit the town you once lived in, there is almost no chance of proving the validity of the memories – to yourself or to anyone else.

How then, can you ever know that what you’re remembering is real or imagined? In black and white, real-world terms, you can’t. You will never know, and you will never be able to prove it. Does this mean that past life memories are a bunch of poppycock? That is another issue entirely, and it boils down to a matter of faith.

Once you stop questioning the validity of a particular memory and stop trying to prove or disprove its legitimacy to yourself, then and only then can you objectively look at the content of the memory itself. And it’s the content that matters most anyway.

I look at past life memories like this: my mind is fixating on this image or set of images for a reason. Whether you take a metaphysical point of view and say that I’m remembering these things because there are karmic issues I still have to settle from that past life, or if you take the psychological point of view and say that my unconscious mind is trying to get me to deal with repressed personal issues that are coming through in the language of dream and symbol, the result is the same. I must look carefully over these images and try to see what they’re telling me about me. And that’s the key to past lives right there. What can they tell you about your life right now? If there isn’t something you can learn from them, then they’re just useless curiosities – they might as well be idle daydreams that you’re using to waste an afternoon.

I’ve seen far too many people get caught up in their past lives and fixate on a time so long ago that it crippled their ability to interact with the reality of here and now. They were worse than the kind of elderly folk who are so busy mourning the loss of the old days that they allow the new age to pass them by. These people got themselves stuck in a time completely removed from their current life, and they just could not get past it.

Past lives in that respect are a total waste of time. You have to always remember: you are living your life here, now. You are in this age for a reason. There is a great deal for you to do, much to experience, and much to learn. If you spend all of your time looking backward along the lost corridor of years, you will not see what’s in front of you, and you are most likely going to run into something very solid and bang your head — hard.

The use of past life memories is what they can teach you about where you are now and where you may be going. A lot of us made mistakes in the past. If we lived in the past at all, we made mistakes. Mistakes are part and parcel of living. Very often, we recall the circumstances of these past mistakes as a guidepost to help us avoid those same mistakes in the present and the future. In this respect, past lives can be very useful. They can reveal to us hidden aspects of ourselves, and provide insight into dealing with our current problems.

Past life work should therefore always be an exercise in observation. If the memories come to you, explore them as fully as you can. Analyze them. Pay attention to details, especially how you feel in those remembered moments and the circumstances which stand out to you. Later, analyze those feelings and circumstances in relation to your life as it is now. Look for parallels in your current situation, in the way you relate to the people around you, in your choices of dealing with the world at large. Even if the content is some half-imagined fantasy that your unconscious brain has cooked up for you, it will still reveal a great deal of your troubles and issues in the symbols and stories that are chosen.

Above all, do not fixate on the memories. Do not try to recreate yourself as you see you in the past. Live your life now and for the future. Learn what you can, but accept that the past is in the past. The memories might linger, but who you are can always be changed.

Michelle Belanger 23 March 2001

How Do I Tell?

Dark, foreboding shadows steal my sleep and nght
Leave me with an empty gnawing at first morning’s light
Memories of forgotten times laying just beyond recall
Teasing my memory and sanity, hauntingly they call
Broken flashes of long ago break the sullen, silent air
Glimpses caught out of the corner of my eye, turning around, they’re not there.
Long buried thoughts and memories, nightmares come to life
Burst of fear and woe and loss and grief, indecision, doubt and strife
Or are they merely senseless images? Imagination become real
Flights of boyhood fancy? Someone tell me. How do I tell?

Remember

Surrounded on all sides
With a feeling of unease
I don’t belong here
Get me out please

A hand appears in the crowd
I hold on tight and run away
Then I realize that what I’ve seen
Is the dream on the end of day

Surrounded by freezing water
Rising fast with numbing slice
Dark restless shapes swim beside me
As the ones I once knew walk on ice

Footsteps pounding everywhere
Mudslide, avalanche, flood
Covered and tarnished with knowledge
That I’m lost in false blood

I can never go back to my self
I have to cover difference or die
Wings beat at my shoulders
But I’m not allowed to fly

The shining beacon is blinking
But it’s lost in foggy night
There is pitch black all around me
And I know I hold the light

But for tomorrow and tomorrow
I’ll shut my eyes to this hurt
Lost in a world I never wanted
A gold statue covered in dirt

So I’ll remember a time, long ago
When voices sang and the world was fair
For when this one comes crashing down,
I know I will return there.

The Perils of Remembering

First, you will know sorrow. And not just any sorrow, but the longing sorrow that comes with unfulfillment. Your soul will recall things that not even you can name, and it will want them back again. Sometimes, the old ways becomes an addiction, with all the problems an addiction brings: estrangement, loneliness, craving, even ruthlessness and double-dealing. Oh yes, double-dealing can be one of the first symptoms.

Other times, the past brings fear. Fear can be one of the worst things, in my opinion, having seen so many truly talented people stifle themselves and hide out of fear. Could they have been something great? Did they have a destiny to claim? Oh, most assuredly. We all have our destinies. The world can never know just how wonderful the fearful’s destiny was, because he chose not to claim it and he stagnated.

Most times, though, you will forget to look for joy. There are happy memories as well as sad, yet most people, myself included, seem to hover over the dark and still thoughts. The emotions connected with these are much stronger, this is true. But joy also has the power to bring forth tears. To keep perspective, one has to remember to search for such memories alongside the bad ones.

Second, you will know confusion. The human brain, for all its wonderful complexities, is also short-circuited. One watches Star Wars and they want so much to be like Luke that they fabricate memories for themselves. The human brain has this power; it is a protection device. And there are a lot of things in this crazy world to be protected from, even yourself.

It begins with the longing, the wishing, and then the deep soul-searching until “memories” spring forth. (I was there, George Lucas must be Otherkin, how else could he get the ways of the Force so accurately? I had a teacher just like Kenobi…) It is true there are a lot of creators who may “remember”. But most times they’ll take one memory, one fragment of a spark, and build their entire tale around it. In the telling, details change to become bigger and brighter and bolder. This phenomenon can be illustrated in the old gossip game where everyone sits in a circle and a statement is whispered in someone’s ear. The whisper-recipient then whispers it to another, then the statement is whispered to another, until the final player recites out loud what he was told. Rarely is the statement accurately passed around. This is what happens during the creative process.

Confusion can be just as dangerous as addiction. One should take their memories slowly, very very slowly, and watch their step. One step too far and you might topple into the abyss, into insanity, and only mighty strength can pull you back out again. Then you will know the pain of sorrow again, for you must damn what you remembered and start from scratch. You must be careful what you read and watch and think, for any of those might be false.

Third, and finally, you will know change. They say change is a good thing. Most times, your heart would argue with that. When lovers part forever, that is change and it brings pain and sadness, even if that relationship was bad and breaking up is the good way. It is so with anything else. Your baby turns one, you’re happy and sad. After all, although your child is healthy and growing up strong as he should, he is no longer your tiny infant to suckle at your breast. There has been a gradual change, and it has brought both happiness and sadness.

Remembering brings about changes in personality, perspective and environment. Once, you were timid. Then, you remembered squelching mighty armadas under your technological thumb. Something inside you clicks; you change, you revert. The next person who harrasses you suddenly experiences surprise: you punch his nose.

Perspective is affected in the same moment. You once saw yourself as bottom wolf, as the titmouse to hide from the owls. Now you know you were once an owl, the pack leader, and you are driven to command that power again. You see the world as your oyster, and you want pearls.

Environment tumbles in after. Pearls are riches. What is around you, your environment, is no longer adequate. You begin to change things to suit yourself. Sometimes it comes in small ways: the planting of a special tree or moving closer to the forest. Other times, it comes in tragic ways: you leave your spouse, you homeschool your children, you run for President.

And all the world is affected. It can be in an obvious or hidden manner. Obvious: the book you write, the people you contact through the e-list you’ve begun, those who follow you faithfully into Waco. Hidden: the influential person you support, the canvas you colored and gave to the rich plantation owner, the insane babble spouted across the board, ignored by most.

The world cannot help this. We are all in a helpless circle.

In conclusion, beware the perils of remembering. It is a blackberry-brambled path. You’re going to be nicked and are bound to bleed. You run the chance of being scarred, or your skin becoming too tough to absorb the next lesson. Learn to not skirt these dangers, but look through them and find the berries they protect. Sometimes they can be sour; many times they can be sweet. All will be earned in the right way, and it will be worth it.

Remembering – When Waking up hurts

(For Rialian, who always was a godsblasted catalyst)

I suppose I should start this off with an introduction. Hi, I’m Tirani. I’ve been Otherkin snice I was about three or so, and have walked lots of different paths in the intervining years, and learned lots of things. Until two months ago, much of my self-identity was based in a strong seelie sidhe aspect that was very active in my magikal and mundane world. Then something triggered a change – a shift in the currents that surrounded my life, to use Rialian’s turn of phrase. My astral form shifted to one I did not recognize and could not control. I lost touch with the part of me that I had known since before I could read. Nightmares that I had always had intesified and darkened. I stopped being able to sleep at night and started going just a little bit mad. I started feeling emotions and had thoughts that were nearly alien to me and my usual thought-processes. Then someone sugguested that I was re-Awakening. That’s when I started writing. It kept me sane enough to work through this. Below is the record of what I wrote and the feelings and thoughts that can sometimes come with a traumatic Awakening.

I’m no psychologist. I can’t tell you the best way to handle someone who’s been through a traumatic expreince, other than be gentle, love them, keep the lights low and don’t make any sudden moves. I can tell you that most ‘kin who have to wake up this way tend to need a little more love than most, and a gentle arm to put around their real-world shoulders when they need to talk out or work out or cry out the pain that can come. If you’re comfortable with it, encourage them to talk, or write, or rant and rave. The more it gets out of their system, the more they can start living again.

It should be noted that most Awakenings are not traumatic at all. Most of the time they’re a little scary, but more from a “who the hell am I turning into?” point of view rather than an “ohfuckohfuckohfuck” aspect. Sometimes, through, it can hurt, and it can take months or years to deal with the psychological scar tissue. This re-Awakening happened almost three months ago [as of June 2000], and only now can I bring myself to finish this and write out what happened the final night I worked through this. I still haven’t figured out all the niceities of this new form. I still haven’t figured out what it is. But I don’t twitch anymore when I think about what I remember. And I’m learning to fly again with these new wings.

What is writen below may be disturbing to some. Please keep in mind that this was a stream-of-consciousness-type writing from someone who, at the time, was going a little mad.

Bliss, Blessings and a little love,

Alyannael Shadowalker

remembering 2:51 AM 3/12/00

i don’t know what ri did last night, but it broke open something. a gate, a doorway, a wall that was holding back this. i’m almost wishing he hadn’t. these new wings, they’re heavey, a weight on me. i’m aware of them all the time, and they’re like something that’s tugging at me, forcing me to a place i couldn’t go before and I don’t want to go now. this new awakinging is somethign that i didn’t see coming, it’s something that’s either going to be really really good or really fucking bad.

my raven totem has been around constanly since last night, watching, perching, always in the corner of my eye. i wonder if SHe saw this coming and that’s why she sent me her dark messenger. i haven’t had a change to talk to him, or the others, and i don’t know what they’ll say. i can already feel Ra’rok pulling away, and it’s scaring me as he chose me, not the other way around. the brush of phantom fur assures me that ba’teth still walks at my side, but he’s silent. that scares me too. he’s my voice of sanity half the time, chasing the dreams away if he can.

i close my eyes to sleep tonight curled up with the others and all i can see is blood. blood and there’s rage, and pain and a sorrow so deep it makes me shake and I don’t know what it’s coming from. there’s a creavice somewhere in my soul now and it’s all pouring from it. this is different from the dreams, this is a memory. of what, I don’t know, of who, i don’t know. this isn’t tirani and this isn’t kitten and this isn’t ME. or at least what I thought was me until last night.

I refuse to entertian for a SECOND the idea that I might be Fallen, especially coming so soon after the big long debate on the list about them and Lulu and other’s insistance that they can’t inhabit a human body. I’d love to be able to talk to Ri’s friend that he holds authoratavive on the Fallen, because he might be able to tell me. Gods I don’t want to beleive that I was ever Yahew’s. never in the lives that I can remember did I belong to him and the ones i did i probably don’t remember for a reason, as they were probably dull and mundane and pointless. i respect christians, but I don’t have much respect for their god of death and devine suffering. I’d much rather beleive that the gods don’t wnat us to suffer unless it’s to learn. I’d much rather give my love and my joy and my pleasure as joyful open sacrifices.

two weeks then i can get away. two weeks, then I can find the answers in the forests of the peaks. two weeks and I can walk in the woods and talk to my goddess where i love her the best in the light of the sun and the smell of the trees and the brightness of spring tide come again. i don’t know if i can make it two weeks with these memories flooding at me everytime i stop and don’t think about my lovers or my job or what i need to get done now.

the worst part is i can feel part of my fae soul quieting, like it’s not quite there anymore. like it’s fading in the face of this new revalation. i can’t even force manifest the fae wings right at the moment. i can’t decide if that’s the worst of all becuase it’s something that’s been a part of me for years. something that i relied on and defined me within myself.

i do’nt fucking know and I can’t even talk to phril about it because ‘he doesn’t beleive in faeries’. the one i talk to the most, and i can’t tell him.

remembering 11:18 PM 3/12/00

napped today because i was just that exhausted. slept about an hour. then i woke up and tried to go back to sleep. then it started again.

I saw a little more. started with a falling feeling, like a free fall and then an impact. it hurt alot. lifed my head and looked around. i could see blood every where. in puddle on the ground, on the bodys of those around me, falling like rain from the sky. my wings were burning. my gods it hurt. i was physically clawing at my pillow it hurt so badly. i had a sword in my hand, it was made of something i couldn’t identify. looking up i could see others in the same form in the sky, flying, fighting burning like i was. around me were bodies of ones like me, dead and cold. they were my brothers and sisters. i raised the sword and screamed because my wings wouldn’t work and i couldn’t take off again to rejoin the fight. looking behind me i can see one is at a nasty angle, with bone poking through the flesh.

i clawed awake, scaring the hell out of phril and nearly screaming.

remembering 12:27 PM 3/14/00

observatons, so far, on this new form. The body is alot like the fae one I had. astrally it’s slim, very angular, and very very pale. the skin is so pale there’s almost a blue cast to it. the hands and arms are slender as well, with elongated fingers, four and a thumb. the legs, like the arms, are slim and slightly enlongated, and there’s a more pronounced, almost clawlike heel, with normal porportioned toes. the body has a kind of wiry strength to it. The face is like the body, very angular, but not so as to be unattractive. The cheek bones are pronounced, and the ears are upswept. the eyes are violet, so dark as to be almost purple. the hair is a silvery-moonlight grey, falling to just above the shoulders (about what I have physically now). the mouth is small, and well formed, but like the rest of the form it’s very very pale.

the most striking part is the wings. they’re angelic in form, maybe a touch more angular, and jet black. they shed consantly on the astral, but never go bald. They’re about a foot taller than the form, peaking when they’re folded against the back, and drop down until they’re about 4″ from brushing the floor. All this is subjective, given how fluid distance and size in the astral can be. Across the right (my right) wing is a scar from being broken a long time ago.

there are something like arm gaurds on the forearm in a material I can’t identify, kind of a silverly-black material. set into them are blue-green stones, kind of like laborite with a more pronounced blue flash. there’s an arm band of some kind with a design I can’t quite make out on my left arm, with three feathers dangling from it. One, the largest, is white, the middle, smallest, is black, and the last is blood red, medium sized between the other two. On my right hand is a fingerless glove of a kind, made of a mesh of the unidenitifed material. I carry my sword in my left hand. Set in the back of the glove is the same kind of symbol as the arm band, but I can’t quite make it out as before. over the right shoulder is a protector of sorts, kinda like the shoulder armour of the gaurdian chick in Heavey metal. the strap from it comes down around under the left breast and secures in the back. the material it’s made of is soft as down, but virtirually uncutable, and a blue-ish black. I have no clue what it is. Around the waist is a belt of leather and that cloth, with the sword’s sheath hanging from it. The sheath is black leatehr lined with metal, and tooled with a pattern I can’t make out. There’s another band around the right leg above the knee, tied of the same cloth material, with a pattern woven into it, and it fairly glows with energy. hell, every bit of adornment on this figure glows fairly well. Attached to the band of cloth is a sheath with about a 6″ dagger in it. The leather is black, and tooled intricately. the handle of the dagger is strickly plain, made of the same odd metal with a leather wrap. If I draw it, light casts off it bright as day. around the left ankle is a silver chain with a teardrop amythest set into it. Other than what was just described, the form is naked and most definately female.

the sword is worthy of a discription all it’s own. it’s about the general size and shape of a ‘modern’ long sword, and glows faintly blue, except in battle when it flames a blue-purple, almost faefire like effect. the cross bar is a standard cross shape, ending in two smallish eggs of the same blueflashing stone. on the hand, which is perfectly shaped for my hand, is a design much like the one on the band and glove. the pommel is a curved spike, and wickedly sharp. It could be easily used to rip out someone’s throat or scalp them. the blade is peuternatually balanced and feels very very familar. etched on the metal, which is the same silvery-black as the rest, are runes and sigils that again, I can’t make out. I don’t know if I’m not ready for them or i’m not allowed to remember them.

remembering 12:42 AM 3/15/00

talked to Ri for a while tonight. worked out some things in my head talking with him. I think the key of fully intregrating this new form is going to be getting a clear image of the sigils and etchings on the armourments of new form. Also, he concures that I am not Fallen, nor am I an angel, but there is a possiblity of some other kind of angelic. He’s going to get me some reasources to see if we can figure this out. He also says that this feels familar to him, which means I’m not utterly fucking nuts.

no matter what, this is going to take a good bit of time to work through, and until I can get this new one intergrated into me, i don’t think i’m going to be able to go back to my fae form.

remembering 11:58 AM 3/21/00

I remembered a little more over the weekend. Not much, though. This battle that I keep seeing is a battle between us, the darkwings, and them, the light (white?) wings. we are all children of the goddess. for some reason, though, the light wings have become corrupted. we’re fighting them because they attacked us and we retailated against what whe thought weren’t pure anymore. Gah, it’s very muddled in my head, and i know it will come clearer in in the future.

i can feel the story of what happened teasing in the back of my mind, and i know it’s close to coming out. soon, i hope. i hate it when my brain itches.

remembering 1:28 PM 6/4/00

(this is what happened a few nights after my last entry. Until now, I haven’t been able to bring myself to write it out. Ri came over and helped me sink into an energy trace and mesh with him (for stablity, I was anything but stable.) This is what I saw that night. I haven’t had a nightmare since then. Referenced below: “Her” is She Who Is, the Mother of all. “HER” is Guen, a demonic current that I had extensive dealings with in this life, and apparently others.)

Darkness, falling in darkness, there’s nothign, i can almost hear wind whistling by my face… then light… brigh flash of light.. i’m flying! I’m flying!!! wings spread wide on the wind… sun on my back, warm and comforting… there’s a bright blue sky.. clouds like puffs of cotton.. trees, like pines, only not… a forest at the base of a cliff… silver-grey stone, and a water fall falling over the clif, tehre’s a rainbow on the air above it… bright light.. around the pool at the base of the waterfall is a village… both sides of the bank.. smoke rising for chimmenies.. I know this is my home… no walls around this village, it’s a place of peace, of refuge, of love. my sword is by my side, like it always is… i understand it now. on one side are the warriors, the black wings, who fight for peace in her name. on the other are the white wings, the healers who heal them when tehy come home from those battles.. and who keep her peace sacred.. and rarely when a white and a black join, the grey wings who are taken into Her service in the temple behind the waterfall. she who is rules us with love and justice. we are Her children who are Her own and no one else’s. but something’s happened, something’s not right, I can feel HER here, and she doesn’t belong. why the hell does she haunt me, even back through time. i have to stop her before this starts, before light and dark fight and before we are corrupted. falling, falling, landing at the base of the cliff, the others are walking up to the temple, to see what has come, the preists have called everyone together.. i can feel HER more strongly, i know have to stop this. stop it now stop it now to keep the dreams from coming true. the dreams were a warning, then and now. there’s two me’s. the me of now that’s known her very reall in this life and the me of then that was this winged angelic warrior.. the two are merging.. i can feel the mesh completing… She is me and me is she… i walk up the path into the temple, there are banners with the symbol of She Who Is there. she’s our mother and we love her. the smell of HER is there, reeking and sour, and i can’t understand why no one else notices it, why only i am upset and angered by it. i walk into the meeeting hall, the sacred place where we all come together, and i can see HER, a cloud of black on the silver stone, behind the high preist, and tainting all the others there that follow him… we’re not human, but we’re mortal and just as prone to mortal failings… i push my way to the front, the red torches are staining the silverstone blood red.. it’s dark and the others are confused, it’s never flet like this here before… She Who is can’t be felt, and Her children are scared… I push my way to the front, anger and fury building in our meshed mind.. the preist starts talking about a better way, and a new future… and how something stronger has come to save us…. and i can hear HER laughing, mocking.. i step up and draw my sword, breaking the Law of she who is, that weapons never be bared in the place where she dwells… and I scream at HER to leave, that she is not welcome and i will not let this happen here… i will not let her corrupt me a second time… and i feel a light filling me and spilling out over my words, blasting away the darkness… SHE fights and claws and i scream, but I fight because this CAN NOT happen. SHE can not do this. and the others run away from me because I shine light that is not my own, HER preist flies at me, but is thrown back by the light… finally SHE fades away, and is gone, i can’t feel HER here anymore…. and I collapse, bloody and bruised… the last thing i remember seeing clearly is the sign of She Who Is.

I came awake, panting and nearly crying, but i didn’t feel so insane anymore. And I was fullying joined with this new aspect. I haven’t gone back since. I rather like my new wings.