hey there,
my name is zeru, im female and im 22 years old.
im not a forum person and i somehow find it a bit awkward to ask for help but there is something i dont understand. i hope someone can answer me.
well, i always had a strong connection to dragons but i only found out about otherkins a few years ago. before that i never asked myself why i am so obsessed with dragons and why they are a strong fundament in my life. somehow, it was natural for me. just other find it weird. so, i searched for an answer and i found out about otherkins. i researched alot. for days. i tried mediations and they didnt work. i dropped it for months and then i began to research again because i couldnt rest well about my lack of knowledge about myself. my driving instructor and i talked alot while my driving lessons and he told me that he is sort of an angelkin(i cant remember much about it, it was almost 2 years ago). i told him about my life and dragons. so he lent me a book about different dragons and how to find your dragon. so i read it. i mediate. it was actually really nice, i think i was in trance and it felt more real than the other attempts. it was about walking through the forest and climbing a giant rock where i will meet my dragon. after climbing i turned to the beautiful sight which pictured the path i went and now feeling that the dragon will behind me, breathing. which i actually felt. my heart raced. i was excited. according to the book when i feel ready to face him, i should turn around again. after i calmed myself down and saying to myself that i am ready, i turned around. what i saw was weird. it was a shadow. but not a shadow reflection from the sun on the floor. it was a shadow, lifeless and like a giant statue. just shadowish. the book said i should now walk around him, looking at him. which i did, but since it was like a dead shadow, i havent seen much. the mediation was over. i felt strange and now i have more questions than before. i often think about it dont know what to do. i dont know any otherkins and less a mentor.
i may be not exactly sure if i am an otherkin but i know, there is something about dragons and that i have an urge to be a dragon, since i am a child. so even tho i might not be a kin, they make me happy. so it broke my heart seeing this dead creature behind me. also, i dont know if its important, but i havent found anything about my dragon-me, a pastlife or anything. just this.
i never understand it and i would be really greateful when someone would help me finding the answer. thank you for your time.
edit: i forgot to tell that the shadow creature had a dragon shape, which i havent described in the text above. for some who wants to know.