Filk

You May Be Wight

by

(to the tune of “You may be right” by Billy Joel, obviously).

Friday night I crashed your gather
Saturday I said I’m sorry
Sunday came and raised you up again.
I was only having fun
Wasn’t biting anyone
And we all enjoyed the barrows for a change

I’ve been stranded in the twilight zone
I fell through Zandru’s Hell alone
Even rode an elvensteed to the moon.
And you told me not to fly
But I managed to survive
So you said that only proves that I’m a fey.

You may be right,
I might be Faery….
But it just might be an otherkin you’re looking for.
Turn out the light
Don’t try to save me
You may be one for all I know
But you may be wight

Remember how I found you you there
Alone in that faery cairn.
I’d have asked you for a smoke, but you were wyld.
You were lonely for a man
I said take me as I am
‘Cause there wont be any of those here for a while.

Now think of all the weres you tried to
Find some wolf to satisfy you
I might be as crazy as you say
If I’m crazy then it’s true
That it’s all because of you
And you wouldn’t want me any other fey

You may be right,
I might be Faery….
But it just might be an otherkin you’re looking for.

It’s too late for flight
It’s too late for changelings
You may be one for all I know
But you may be wight

You may be right,
I might be Faery….
But it just might be an otherkin you’re looking for.

Turn out the light
Don’t try to save me
You may be one for all I know
But you may be wight
You may be one but you may be wight
You may be one but you may be wight

50 Ways to Host Your Brothers

by

(tune of 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover by Paul Simon)

“The problem is that you lack a head”, she said to me.
“The answer is easy if you take it logically.
“I’d like to help you in your struggle to be me,
“There must be 50 ways to host my brothers….”

She said, “It’s really not my habit to include,
“And furthermore I hope my residents won’t be lost or mixed with you.
“But I’ll reveal myself, at the risk of being a brood,
“There must be 50 ways to host my brothers–50 ways to host my brothers…

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

“Ooh, split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

She said “It grieves me so to see you lack a brain,
“I wish there were something I could do
“To make you live again.”
and I said that I appreciate that
and “Would you please explain about the 50 ways–?”

She said, “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
“And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light.”
And then she channeled me and I realized she probably was right,
There must be 50 ways to host your brothers.
50 ways to host your brothers…

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

“Ya just split down the back, Jack
“Make a new man, Stan
“Y’don’ need to destroy Roy
“Just get into me–
“Hop on the bus, Gus
“Ya don’ need to discuss much–!
“Just squeeze in with me, Lee
“And we can be three…”

Along comes a Faery

by

Every time I think that
I’m the only one who’s lonely
Something comes to me
And every now and then
I spend my time at song and swords
And curse the faults in me

And then along comes a Faery
And does it want to give me kicks and be a mystic click
And give me pick of stories
Or maybe rather gather tales from all the days of tribulation
No one ever sees
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

When vague desire is the fire
In the eyes of faes whose sickness
Is the games they play
And when the masquerade is played
The neighbor folks make jokes
At who is most to blame today

And then along comes a Faery
And does it want to set me free and
Let me see reality
From where they got my name
And will they struggle much
when told that such a tender touch of hers
Will make them not the same
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

And when the morning of the warning’s passed
The gassed and flaccid dreams
Are flung across the stars
The psychodramas and the traumas gone
The songs have all been sung
And hung upon the scars

And then along comes a Faery
And does she want to see the stains,
The dead remains of all the pain
She left the night before
Or will their waking eyes reflect the lies
And make them realize
Their urgent cry for sight no more
When we met I was sure out to lunch
Now my empty cup tastes as sweet as the punch

Sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch
Sweet as the punch

Cho-Ku-Rei

by

(from Yesterday by the Beatles)

Cho-Ku-Rei,
Dai-ko-mio Raku Shonen-Fe.
Gnosa Kryia Zonar Tsuriai.
Om So-la-kyu, Cho-ku-rei.

Sei-he-ki,
Halu Rama Iava La-Ra-See–
Shanti Teser’tien Hyo-o-ki.
Harth Cho-ku-rei Om Go-She-Ki.

Hon-Sha-Ze-Sho-Nen, Tian-ta, Sereasin.
Shanti Neresta, Setana Om Cho-Ku-Rei.

Cho-Ku-Rei,
Dai-ko-mio Raku Shonen-Fe.
Gnosa Kryia Zonar Tsuriai.
Om So-la-kyu, Cho-ku-rei.

Hon-Sha-Ze-Sho-Nen, Tian-ta, Sereasin.
Shanti Neresta, Setana Om Cho-Ku-Rei.

Cho-Ku-Rei,
Dai-ko-mio Raku Shonen-Fe.
Gnosa Kryia Zonar Tsuriai.
Om So-la-kyu, Cho-ku-rei.
hmmmm-m-mmmm-m mmmmm-m-m

Long Lonesome Road to Old Texarcadia: A Country&Elvish song

by

Not exactly a filk, but I’m sure it can be sung to *some* Johnny Cash song or other trucker’s favourite.

Well it’s a looong, lonesome road, down to old Texarkadia…
Can’t seem to get nothing, on this here old radia…

Been hauling this load, for ten thousand stadia,
at the end of the road, well, I got something to say to ya….
Well, they said that Dun Ailinne was pretty darn big,
Nigh as big as the wheel on the Dagda’s own rig, …

But that was a long time ago…
Nothing lasts for me, now, don’t y’all know,
Yeah, I had all the lady I’d ever seen yet,
And we parted one day that I’ll never forget…

“Yeah, I’m drivin, I’m drivin, that Elven Express,
Gonna find me some diesel damsel in distress….”
Ain’t had a clean shirt since the Castle of Glass,
and if I had one right now, I could wipe my own…
….Windshield.

Yeah, I ain’t seen my homeland in three thousand years,
That’s one for each tooth on these sixteen gears…
Got my neon Dana up on the dash board,
My girlfriend waits tables and washes the Ford.

Well, I’m drivin’, I’m drivin, that Elven Express,
Three beds of Fianna, that’s my home address:
A dotted white line, that’s my highway path:
got the gas and the time, but I can’t do the math…

Yeah, the wheels are still rolling, the tanks I did fill,
Got a chrome Awen screwed to the top of my grille,
And if that ain’t enough to keep me on the road,
got a jug of cold coffee, and a face full of woad…

It’s a long lonsesome road, down to old Texarkadia,
Got a song for my lady, on this here old radia
Gonna buy us a house, and a big shiny car,
And we’ll both come no more, into old Ballynar.

The Real Elf Shady

by

(With Apologies to Eminem and blame to Rialian. Don’t kill me Kyrin!)

May I have your mead cup please?
May I have your mead cup please?
Will the real Elf Shady please get drunk
I repeat, will the Real Elf Shady please get drunk?
I think we’re gonna have some entertainment here…

Ya’ll act like you ain’t never seen a toxic elf before
Laughing all on the floor like Cel, Like Esh just ran through the woods,
chasing each each like every year before, shakin ass on the way to the showers
It’s the return of the.. “Dude, wait, gimme more..”

He just drank what I think he did, did he?
Then Rialian said abandon all H.O.P.E
Rialian’s pet cliche, almost printed on cards
Elven women love the toxic one
“Toxic elf, I worship him, look at him, walking around
talking about who knows what, drinking who knows what,
cursing at gods know who…”
“Yeah, but he’s so loud though”
Yeah well, he the first thing you hear in the morning
And the probably the last thing you hear at night
Sometimes, he’s all you can hear in the camp,
Sitting by the fire with a fork of doom
“Did I get that drunk, did I get that drunk”

And if we’re lucky, we’ll get to see it again
And there’s a message behind all this scarasim
But we just aint’ figured out quite what it is

So of course we laugh it up and drink by the fire
by the time midnight rolls around
we’re all gonna be staggering about
“We ain’t nothing but elves and others” well, one if us is
Louder and harder than all the rest
But he’s one of us so we put up with him and tehre’s no reason for him not to leave when
We all sometimes feel like he feels
Everyone grab your cup, sing the chorus and it goes

(Chorus, x2)
I’m Elf Shady, yes the real Shady
All you other Elf Shadys are just imitating
So won’t the Real Elf Shady please get drunk, please get drunk, please get drunk.

The Very Model of an Elven Individual

by

MIAREN:
I am the very model of an Elven Individual,
I’ve information memorable, magical, and mythical,
I know the kings of Faerie, and I quote the tales bardic-wise
Of Thomas Rhymer, Taliesin, Tam Lin and some otherwise;
I’m very well acquainted, too, with matters of Awakening,
I understand Rememb’rings, both the quiet and the quakening,
On matters of linguistics I am teeming with a lot o’ news,
With many cheerful facts about what spelling of “des’tai” to use.

ALL:
With many cheerful facts about what spelling of “des’tai” to use..
With many cheerful facts about what spelling of “deshtai” to use.
With many cheerful facts about what spelling of “desh’tai” to use.

MIAREN:
I’m very good at keeping track of lifetimes that are serial;
I know the True Forms and the names of beings nigh ethereal:
In short, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
I am the very model of an Elven Individual.

ALL:
In short, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
She is the very model of an Elven Individual.

MIAREN:
I know our mythic histories, the true ones and the fictional
And even on occasion write a new one that’s original
I filk in constant counterpoint the doings of Rialian,
At times this has necessitated large amounts of Valium

I can tell undoubted elven-types from satyrs and from angelforms,
I know the common hideaways of fairy folk and unicorns.
Then I can draw an elven star inscribed inside a heptagon,
And improvise from tales in that dreaded Mabinogion.

ALL:
And improvise from tales in that dreaded Mabinogion.
And improvise from tales in that dreaded Mabinogion.
And improvise from tales in that dreaded Mabinogion.

MIAREN:
Then I can write a courtly speech in “Elenari politic,”
And tell you ev’ry detail of the Gate creators’ travel ships:
In short, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
I am the very model of an Elven Individual.

ALL:
In short, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
She is the very model of an Elven Individual.

MIAREN:
In fact, when I can trace in full Tuatha geneaology,
When I can theorize about draconical biology,
When such affairs as Alardans and Gathers I will travel to,
And when I know precisely what the politics unravel to,
When I have learnt what languages the Elenari babble in,
When I know more of Camelot than Guenivere’s best chatelaine–
In short, when I’ve a smattering of nigh to useless trivia,
You’ll see an Elven Individual who’s just been ribbin’ ya.

ALL:
You’ll see an Elven Individual who’s just been ribbin’ ya.
You’ll see an Elven Individual who’s just been ribbin’ ya.
You’ll see an Elven Individual who’s just been ribbin’ ya.

MIAREN:
For my otherworldly knowledge, though I’ve hardly scratched its minimum,
Is only manifesting at the start of the milennium;
But still, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
I am the very model of an Elven Individual.

ALL:
But still, in matters memorable, magical, and mythical,
She is the very model of an Elven Individual.

Based on “I am the very model of a modern Major-General” from “The Pirates of Penzance” by Gilbert and Sullivan.

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Hotel Four Quarters

by

On a dark forest back road, have I travelled too far?
Cool brushes of fog-wisps curling in ’round my car
In the glow of my headlights I saw the shape of a cow
I saw a signboard with the elven star
I’d made it here (Don’t know how!)

There he stood in the clearing
We put the truck in park
And let me tell you there ain’t nothin’ like setting camp up in the dark
Then we turned on a tap-light and we set up our tent
There was music in the starry night
This is how it went

Welcome to the Elf Camp at Four Quarters
Such a lovely site (Such a lovely site) Such a lovely night
Plenty of ‘Kin at the Elf Camp at Four Quarters
‘Bout this time of year (‘Bout this time of year) You can find it here

The humor’s really quite twisted – Ri’s puns give me the bends (ugh!)
But we got a lot of pretty fae, elves and friends
How they sing by the fire Cool summer night
Some songs aren’t remembered – But hey, that’s all right

So I called up Rialian “Please bring me some mead”
He said “Benny brought a couple kegs – would you rather dry or sweet?”
And then the Toxic Elf bellows from far away
Wake you up ‘fore the crack of dawn – just turns out that way

Welcome to the Elf Camp at Four Quarters
Such a lovely site (Such a lovely site) Such a lovely night
They livin it up at the Elf Camp at Four Quarters
Till it rains again (Till it rains again) They be partyin…..

Candles on the altar The mugwort tea’s too hot
So we said –
“Let us take it back down the hill. Some will want it some will not”
And at the fire circle
We gathered to take leave
One thing that we all must share – as a Kin group – we believe!

Last thing I remember, I was heading for the car
I dreaded going back to town ’cause it always seems so far
“Relax,” said Rialian, “We aren’t really far away
I’ve got a list on EGroups now – just a few score posts a day”

Human on the Outside

by

I might look the same, but I’m not quite like you
I’m at least a little fey; can you see right through?
I’m still made of flesh, I’m still made of bone
But I’ve had you fooled enough to leave me alone

Human plus more (and perhaps more than one)
I might confess it, but please don’t make fun
I’ll explain at least some

There’s elf in these veins and my wings cause me pain
I’m only human on the outside
And though looks may deceive, make it hard to believe
I’m only human on the outside

On the outside

Should I just come through, should I just come clean
Show you something you might never have seen?
Or would that be extreme? Would it go too far?
Would it break your brain or would it break your heart?
Yeah your brain or heart…

It’s not something I choose; I assure you it’s true
I’m only human on the outside
And though looks may deceive, make it hard to believe
I’m only human on the outside
Well, it gave me a turn the day that I learned
I’m only human on the outside
A seeming, that’s all; baby, under it all
I’m only human on the outside

On the outside

Yes, I’m Otherkin, hon…

No, I’m not insane, there’s just fae in my veins
I’m only human on the outside
And though looks may deceive, make it hard to believe
I’m only human on the outside
I’m a dragon, you see, that’s the full, real me;
I’m only human on the outside
A seeming, that’s all; baby under it all
I’m only human on the outside

On the outside
On the outside…

King of Pain

by

There’s a little black sword in my hand today
It’s the same old thing as yesterday
There’s a pair of trav’lers bound for Tanelorn
The Eternal Champion’s again reborn

I have stood here before outside Melniboné
With the worlds in convergence running ’round my brain
I guess I’m always hoping I can end this reign
But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain

There’s a little black sword in my hand today
(Souls for Arioch)
It’s the same old thing as yesterday
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s a pair of trav’lers bound for Tanelorn
(Souls for Arioch)
The Eternal Champion’s again reborn
(Souls for Arioch)

I have stood here before outside Melniboné
With the worlds in convergence running ’round my brain
I guess I’m always hoping I can end this reign
But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain

There’s a blind man sailing on the Sea of Fate
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s my lover sleeping but she cannot wake
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s a dragon sleeping in a far-off cave
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s a Chaos storm rising like a wave
(Souls for Arioch)

I have stood here before outside Melniboné
With the worlds in convergence running ’round my brain
I guess I’m always hoping I can end this reign
But it’s my destiny to be the king of pain

There’s a bone-white king with his eyes of flame
There’s an old soul trying to forget his name
There’s a young prince fighting with a silver hand
There’s another one carrying a rune’d staff

King of pain

There’s a white wolf tearing at a huntsman’s pack
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s a Dragon Prince who’s riding to attack
(Souls for Arioch)
There’s a little black sword in my heart today
It’s the same old thing as yesterday

I have stood here before on the dissolving plane
With the worlds in convergence running ’round my brain I
guess I always hoped that I could end this reign
But it’s my destiny to go around again……

King of pain
King of pain
King of pain
I’ll always be
king of pain

Lothlorien

by

(from “Under the Sun” by Sugar Ray)

“Now this is somethin’ from back in the day
I’ll always remember the mallorn tree
And all of the wisdom
That we brought from the sea
Beauty of Lothlorien
Living amongst my hand
Maybe I’m dreaming
Can you tell me

Chorus
Do you remember
The living that lasted so long
Elven haven
where we learned to sing all the songs
Do you remember
All of us together
As we grew in Lothlorien

I’ll always remember everything we’d do
But it was all good when I’m with my crew
I remember Elbereth
The Stars, and Gilthoniel
Seems kind of funny on Earth
But it’s taking me back
We’d always sing a song
It was great just to be elves
Don’t want to stop dreaming
Can you tell me

Chorus

I want to rewind every time
‘Cause my Hand had so much meaning
They were there when nobody cared
Always knew what I was feeling
Come to me, don’t leave me reminiscing
All I do is wind up missing you
Are you missing me?
Are you missing me?
Na na na na na

Do you remember the living that lasted so long
Back in the day, back back in the day
Do you remember all of us together

As we grew in Lothlorien?”

One Night in DC

by

I am going to have to blame Miaren for this one…
(original lyrics)

Mongolian! Oriental setting
And the staff don’t know what the guests are eating
The strange and the weird of the other world at a
meal with everything but ol’ Rialian.

Time fades – doesn’t seem a minute
Since the hotel spa had the goth bois in it
All change – these cards are not what you
Play, though this game’s at an ordinary venue

It’s New York, or Four Quarters, or Canada, or, or this place!

One night in DC and the world’s got stranger
The staff are human but the cards ain’t free.
You’ll find a space at any open table
And if you’re lucky then the god’s a sidhe
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.

One world’s very like another
When your seeming falls at an elven gather **

It’s a troll, it’s an orc, it’s really not that pretty
Don’t be looking at the fae, if you come from the city.

Whaddya mean? You seen one pointy-eared,
fluffy, toadstool eating…

Mead, food, wine, fire
Some are ready for the next forest meet.

Watch that! You’re looking for more’n this?
Now every move should be the surest
I meet my fae above the beltline, starshine.

One night in DC makes a dark elf grumble
Not much between fear and history
One night in DC and the winged ones stumble
Can’t be too careful with your company.
I can feel a devil sitting next to me

No one’s gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of celestial fitness
This cuts me deeper than a
Shoddy old blade or silent mother.

Ignoring God who’s only watching the game
Following it.

I don’t see you guys seeking
The kind of mate I’m contemplating
I’d let you watch, I would invite you
But the fae we use might just bite you

So you better go back to your meals, your
homes, your peaceful nights…

One night in DC and the world’s got stranger
The staff are human but the cards ain’t free.
You’ll find a space at any open table
A little look a little fantasy
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.

One night in DC makes a dark elf grumble
Not much between their ears but fantasy
One night in DC and the winged ones stumble
Can’t be too careful with your company.
I can feel a devil standing next to me

** or the uncensored version:
One elf’s very like another
When your heads down over their piece, oh brother!

for which I disclaim all responsibility.

One Night in Kitchener

by

Kitchener, Canadian setting
Where the city don’t know what the city is getting
The creme de la creme of the fae world in a
Show with everything but David Bowie

Kitchener, just another stop in
The Kin gather circuit – changelings drop in
Dance, workshops, check out and then you
Move on to another venue

Like Texas – or to Artemis – or DC – or – or this place

One night in Kitchener and there’s Kin invading
I counted nine inside an SUV
You’ll find a god in every doorway’s shading
And if you’re lucky then the god’s a Sidhe
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One world’s very like another
When you just met a guy who claims he’s your brother

It’s a drag, it’s a bore, it’s really such a pity
To be stuck in Viking A, not looking at the city

Whaddya mean? Ya seen one goth-filled,
abandoned, suburban town, ya seen ’em all

Food, drinks, chips, sweets
Some are set up in the upper floor Con Suite

Yeah, right! You’re talking to a tourist
Whose every thought’s among the purest

I get my kicks outside the timeline, sunshine

One night in Kitchener makes the new Kin humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Kitchener and the paradigms crumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel a satyr walking next to me

Kitchener’s gonna be the witness
To the ultimate test of reality’s fitness
This warps me more than cluing
Into Heisenberg shields or Reiki attuning

I don’t see mundanes rating
The twists of fate I’ve been awaiting
I’d let you watch, I would invite you
But the fairies here would not excite you

So you better go back to your pool, your
hot-tub, your massage table

One night in Kitchener and there’s Kin invading
I counted nine inside an SUV
You’ll find a god in every doorway’s shading
Another chapter in my history
I can feel an angel sliding up to me

One night in Kitchener makes the new Kin humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Kitchener and the paradigms crumble
Can’t be too careful with your company
I can feel a satyr walking next to me

(original lyrics)

Portal to Try

by

(from Ticket to Ride by the Beatles)

I think I’m gonna be sad
I think it’s today, yeah
The elves are making me mad
They’re going away

Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
And Sidhe don’t care

Sidhe say that living on Earth is bringing them down
They would never be free while still on this ground

Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
And Sidhe don’t care

I don’t know when they’re going to try;
They oughtta think twice and get a portal for me!
Before they get to saying goodbye
They oughtta think twice they oughtta do right by me!

I think I’m gonna be sad
I think it’s today, yeah
The elves are making me mad
They’re going away!

Ah!
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
And Sidhe don’t care

I don’t know when they’re going to try;
They oughtta think twice and get a portal for me!
Before they get to saying goodbye
They oughtta think twice they oughtta do right by me!

Sidhe say that living on Earth is bringing them down
They would never be free while still on this ground

Ah!
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
Sidhe have a portal to try
And Sidhe don’t care
My brethren don’t care
My brethren don’t care
My brethren don’t care
My brethren don’t care
My brethren don’t care

Who’ll Stop the Rain

by

(with apologies to J.C. Fogerty)

Ever since we got
here The rain been comin’ down.
All the tents are standin’ In puddles on the ground.
Camping at Four quarters, Threshholds number three;
And I wonder,
Still I wonder, Who’ll stop the rain.

Squirrel got his umbrella, Seekin’
shelter from the storm.
Hiding out at Crisses, I watched the fire burn.
Puddles to my ankles, Mud up to my knees.
And I wonder, Still I wonder
Who’ll stop the rain.

We went up to circle, Reiki had been rained out twice.
Worked the flows for balance, (Tho dry socks would be nice). Came
back to the fire, Down it came again.
And I wonder, Still I wonder Who’ll
stop the rain.